[转]穿越爽人传～～～

by 水银灯 @ 8:24 下午 on 2009-12-08. Filed under 水銀燈の今宵もアンニュ～イ

某宅男穿越后睁开双眼，发现自己穿到一个老翁身上，似乎已经有七老八十，看衣着当是穷困潦倒之辈，似乎刚被老婆赶出来。不知在什么山里，见到的都是些语言不通的野人。宅男感叹命运不济，虽有无数政治军事谋略知识却半点也派不上用场。最后饿得不行，年老力衰，又抓不到兔子山鸡，只好钓鱼来吃，钓了半天也无鱼上钩，将钓竿拿起来一看，原来是自己缺乏钓鱼常识，忘了把直钩掰弯。忽然想起一事，不禁仰天大笑。

某男穿越后发现自己身穿奴仆之服，跪在一身着王服的中年人面前。面前一盆大便，口中尚有余臭，闻之欲呕。那中年人朝自己微笑，男寻思这莫非是什么同性恋虐待狂，心想拼得一身剐也要痛骂他一番。不料话尚未出口，那人拍了拍自己肩膀道：“尔果然对孤忠心，孤决定放尔回国……”

某男穿越后，发现自己虽衣饰华贵，却有些破烂褴褛。侍女小厮虽然有几个，却无人搭理自己，略一回想，原来自己虽是皇子，却幼年受到惊吓，几十年一直痴痴呆呆，智力迟钝，现在年近四十，连何朝何代都记不清楚。似乎自从父皇驾崩，皇帝已经换了几个，总之没自己的事。老娘也有点神神叨叨，天天跟自己说父皇是被自己大哥害死的，说了又有屁用。正心灰意冷间，忽然一个家奴走到面前吆喝道：“王爷，神策军中尉马元贽求见，跟我去，有糖吃。”

丑理工科宅女穿越后，发现自己变得比以前还丑十倍，痛不欲生，连名字也土里土气。又发现此时正是乱世，自己家世平平，父亲是一个穷酸文人，只知道拨弄易经八卦这些没用的玩意，自己虽然懂点机械制造的原理及气象学知识也派不上用场。正坐在闺房里发呆，忽见一个儒雅俊秀的青年从门口走过，忙问丫鬟此人是谁，丫鬟随口道：“是诸葛公子。”

丑宅女穿越后，发现自己虽然变美了，却躺在一间破屋里，成了人尽可夫的妓女，自己年幼丧父，迫于生计，当过滑稽演员，最后沦落为娼妓，睡过自己的男人没有一千也有八百。好不容易攀上一个高官，把自己带到外省来赴任，玩腻了又抛弃了自己。眼看青春将过，现在身在异乡，举目无亲，只有靠出卖色相赚点路费，打算回首都去想想办法。

某男刚刚穿越，就觉得浑身剧痛，低头一看，自己手脚都被钉在架子上，前尘往事一一浮现：此时是太平盛世，自己家道贫寒，还是个来历不明的私生子，跟了个神神道道的师父去学艺，后来师父给官府抓起来杀了。自己就四处流浪，也收了几个弟子招摇撞骗，后来机缘巧合治好了几个达官贵人的病，居然出了一阵风头，过了几天好日子。结果有帮对朝廷不满的刁民想要造反，利用自己的名头去煽动愚民，害得自己被抓起来，判了死刑。想到这里，不禁万念俱灰，仰天大骂道：“日你，日你，他妈傻逼个大爷！”

某男穿越后，发现自己躺在穷山僻壤的山洞里，苦思前事，原来自己生活在不知什么地方的沙漠里，自幼丧父，少年丧母，连字都不识，虽然出身大家庭，但是本支穷困潦倒，自己才25岁就被40岁的老女人霸占，把自己管得严严实实，每天郁闷得躲在山里发呆，怕是一辈子也没有开国立业，种马后宫的命了。躺了半响肚子饿了，无奈下山回家，老婆给自己开了门，见他面色苍白，嘲讽到：“今天又咋了？又做梦梦到天使给你传话了不成？”

某宅男一辈子一事无成，愤而自杀。恢复意识后发现自己似乎穿越失败，四周一片黑暗，不知身处何处，飘飘荡荡，疑是游魂野鬼，叫天天不应，叫地地不灵。宅男吓得要死，哆哆嗦嗦地道：“他妈的，总要有点光啊。”
于是便有了光……

最后一个战斗力爆表了～～～

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